making plans

Ladies and gentlemen, let’s talk about plans. And no, I don’t mean the Death Cab for Cutie album. Or Dan in Real Life.

I’ve had a few life plans that I’ve been inching my way towards since the seventh grade. I wanted to be a writer, so I’m in grad school for creative writing, and writing in my spare time and reading instead of sleeping. At some point I wanted to teach, so I’m thinking of giving that a trial run this summer. I want to edit, so I’m up to my ears in off-the-wall projects (writing reviews for Literary Laundry, editing for the Nerd Fighter collaborative book, writing and editing the beginnings of a small magazine in Arkansas).

And I am honestly doing some awesome things right now.

I decided that I wanted to vlog, so now I’m vlogging. I’m in the process of joining two other collaborative channels and possibly doing vlog every day in April. I’m being published in a nerdy anthology and all the proceeds go to charity. I’m doing layout editing for the university newspaper, and the staff is filled with fun journalists, who I thought were just myths after my undergrad journalism course. I’m going vegetarian for Lent and enjoying it (though I’m only on day two so it’s a bit early).

I’m getting responses from YouTubers that I admire, like BriBryontour. I’ve become dreamworld BFFs with one of my favorite new YA authors (Stephanie Perkins). And I am becoming more and more like a Gilmore Girl everyday. I can’t wait for Spring so I can wear one of my cute dresses again. I’ll probably wear shorts under it, but I’ll feel cute and slightly feminine. I drink so much coffee that my appearance is starting to look incomplete without a coffee cup in my hand.

Now here’s the part where you feel a but coming on, right?

Right, well, these have been my plans for a long time. And I’ve had plenty of plans that haven’t worked, so I always feel antsy setting up big plans. (For example, when I was younger, I had the plan to be married right after I graduated college. That didn’t work.) However, it’s time to start setting up plans for the future. I’ve only got another year (or maybe two, depending on how long it takes for me to complete my thesis) in my graduate program, and then I have to do something.

But what?

I mean, I’d like to live next to one of these cabins and spend the rest of my life writing amazing young adult novels, but something tells me that I’m going to have to suffer for awhile before I can even think of being able to be a full-time writer.

Of course, I’d also like to work at a laid-back music or literary magazine or publishing house and edit for the rest of my life. I strangely enjoy doing that. And I tend to be better at it first off than writing. (Writing is hard work, folks. No kidding.)

And I have no idea where I actually want to end up. Do I want to live in the city or the country? Do I want to live in the north, the south, the west, the east, the midwest? Do I want my own place or roommates again? Do I want to try to find a literary agent right away? Do I want to wait? Which dream do I want to chase? Do I have to pick one? Do I want to get little kittens so that Kensie will have friends to play with while I write?

I really want to go with the flow, plan to be surprised Sondre Lerche style. I’m trying to. It’s alright to not have things figured out. Plans tend to go awry anyway. Of course, I did this freak out thing this time last year, too. Maybe it’s because I’m on Spring Break and I have some extra time to think, but I’m starting to freak out about my lack of knowledge and control.

I just wanted to get that off my mind. This was the chosen venue.