an example of why I need a haircut?
As a writer and singer, it sort of makes sense that most of my shelf space in my apartment is taken up by books, and most of my computer space is taken up with music. Don’t get me wrong, I give plenty of computer space to my creative writing and videos, and my shelf space also has a fair amount of junk and electronics, but most of it can be boiled down to movies, books, and music.
I have always seen these things as investing in my passions or hobbies or fun. Sure, they cost me money and I’m broke, and looking at these unread books on my shelves makes me a little sad sometimes. But they have potential.
Recently, my mother called me to tell me to get a haircut and buy a new outfit. I see these things as frivolous, somehow. But I haven’t had a haircut in about nine months, and I haven’t bought a new outfit in over a year. Most of my clothes are worn out things I bought while in high school and undergrad, and they aren’t going to be very helpful when I head out into the real world to get a job, which I’m sort of trying to do now.
When my mom called me to tell me to do these things (i.e. haircut and new clothes), I reluctantly said all right, and she said, “Jenna, you’ve been investing in your writing for a long time. Now, it’s time to invest in yourself.”
Once, when I was in high school, I dated a boy that was much, much smarter than me. He actually chose potential girlfriends based on their intelligence-factor to guarantee he wouldn’t get bored. One of those guys. Anyway, we were sitting by a lake one night, talking, and he asked me to describe myself in one word. I was a junior, and I was only just beginning to deal with some of the heavy stuff in my life and figure out who I was, so I answered, “Writer.”
He told me that was what I did, not who I was. (Of course, he also demanded I create a poem on the spot, which I found unfair, particularly because I wrote novels for fun, not poems.) It was awfully hard to separate the two then for the same reason it is now: I let that define me. I’ve never been good at the other stuff, the relationships and whatnot. Perhaps it is time to change that.
So maybe investing in skincare products and clothes is really just investing in more stuff, but it’s a different side of myself than I’ve ever invested in before, and I’m ready to get started.
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